The Lights in The Sky Are Stars
by Kode Dekka
Summary: After a terrible accident, Nanoha becomes unable to use magic or fly, possibly for good. She's changed, but not for the better. Fate has also been keeping secrets, terrible ones. All of this leading to a terrible tragedy. Rated M. Fate x Nanoha/Hayate.


_A/N: This story will be the first one that I rewrite, since I've decided to go back and fix all my previous fics. Everything is a lot smoother now, and I fixed hopefully all of the spelling errors that were present in the horrible first draft. That said, to both old and new readers, enjoy this tale that I have spun for you. _

- Kode-Dekka

* * *

I remember it, even now, that terrifying day, that dreadful evening, that night which has become painted forever in my memories; yes, it was still clear to me. How could I forget it? That agonizing day, the day that I lost you.

I was in the infirmary, half hysterical and crying; When they carried you inside, my heart nearly broke. Your body was laced with cuts and bruises, your barrier jacket stained with blood; you were unconscious, not breathing, on the verge of death. Yes, I clearly remember it; I remember that I was scared, more so than I have ever been in my life. I called your name, I cried, and I prayed that this moment wouldn't be the last one between us.

But you survived; it was a miracle, you didn't leave my side. However, you weren't the same person afterward. In a fight with a dangerous mage, you pushed your linker core to its limits, and beyond; it failed you, leaving you powerless, and you barely survived the ensuing attacks. If we hadn't arrived when we did, you surely would have died right there.

While your condition stabilized, while I was by your side, as you tried to remain awake, the doctors told us the horrible truth, that you would probably never use magic again. Even if your body recovered, you probably would never again take to the skies that you loved so much.

You were devastated, I saw your spirit shatter before my eyes; I felt it too, it was like my own soul was being torn apart by your pain. Since that accident, you've changed. You don't smile as much anymore, you don't talk as much, and we no longer make love. You truly have changed, Nanoha.

* * *

**The Lights in The Sky Are Stars**

**Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha**

**Kode-Dekka**

* * *

Nanoha was staring out the window again when I came into her room; she sighed, looking disappointingly at the dark sky, touching her fingers to the cold glass. I'm sure that once again, she was wishing that she could be up there, in a place where she no long belonged. I don't think she noticed me, but that was nothing new, but still a little sad.

I strolled over to her, hugging her from behind like I always did, she didn't react and continued looking ahead.

"Nanoha, its been over a year already, why do-" She cut me off with a sharp noise, a painful, distasteful sound that made my heart shake. "Nano-"

"Don't say it, Fate-chan, just don't _. . ._ okay?" My arms tightened around her waist. This time she leaned back into me, I knew that was her way of apologizing for being so angry. I felt her heartbeat resonating with mine. In a way it was soothing; though in reality, it only made what I wanted to say so much harder.

"Nanoha, your body is almost healed. That's why I was thinking; we should retire. We can take Vivio, and live back on Earth." Nanoha's body shook once, convulsing. I saw a tear fall in front of her.

"Oh Fate-chan_ . . . _I don't know if I can, I don't think I can go back to living such an ordinary life, not after seeing how vast the sky is. I'm scared, Fate-chan." I nodded at her, and noticed that she was getting a little thinner; it seemed that she hadn't been eating. She was also more out of touch with me than usual.

"Nanoha, have you been taking the medicine that Shamal gave you." She was quiet for a moment before nodding her head. "Okay." I kissed her cheek and let go of her, it was like kissing stone. "I'm going to go see Vivio. She really misses you, so do I." I smiled and patted her on the head. "I love you, Nanoha." I received no answer, she hardly ever answered anything with a worded response these days.

I left, and closed the door quietly behind me. Then, I collapsed to my knees and held my face in my hands.

"Still no change, huh?" Hayate stood at my side, looking down at me with pity in her eyes, though she made no immediate motion to comfort me.

"She wont talk to me anymore. Its hard, I don't think she'll ever be alright again."

"Just give her time. Even if the body heals fast, the mind is different." Hayate gave me a reassuring smile and touched my shoulder, I wanted to believe in her. "Come on, I'll buy you dinner." She helped me to my feet. I was just about to let myself be pulled by her, when I remembered.

"What about Vivio, I can't just leave her at home by herself." Hayate waved her finger in a childish manner.

"Vita and Reinforce are watching her. Now, worry about yourself for once, you're a mess." With no more reason to disagree with her, I relaxed and let her intertwine her fingers with mine. The two of us left the hospital together. the stars greeted us from above, the same ones that Nanoha gazed up at with yearning. Suddenly, I felt guilty, and I knew exactly why.

* * *

The restaurant we went to was amazing and colored with life; However I couldn't really get into the atmosphere, I could barely even taste the food, which made me feel bad for Hayate since she was paying. "Fate-chan." She was staring intensely at me as I played with my pasta.

"I'm sorry, I guess I don't really have much of an appetite. I feel terrible, even though you brought me to such a nice place." Her eyes soften and she took my hand.

"That isn't important, you idiot. I'm really worried about you two. Things can't go on like this, it hurts me to see the two of you so depressed." Her touch and her words felt warm, I started to let my guard down.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Hayate. Nothing I say gets through to her, she barely even looks at me when I'm with her. All she does is stare at the sky, day and night. I'm not even sure if she still loves me." Suddenly, Hayate squeezed my hand.

"Don't say that. This is a difficult time for everyone, Nanoha-chan more than anyone. However Fate-chan, for both your sakes, I'll be blunt. If she doesn't come to her senses and accept reality soon, those fantasies she has about returning to the sky will crush her. Not just her, but you as well. You deserve much better than this, Fate-chan. She has to move on, and so do you." I felt warmth overflowing from her, it was certainly comforting. But I also sensed - could almost taste the desire flowing from her as well. Its been like this for a long time, but now, she was more intense than ever. Still, I understood that she was thinking of me, and its the thought that counts. More than anything else, I appreciated her feelings.

"Thank you, Hayate. No matter how bad things got, you've always been there for me." She blushed a light shade of pink, but smiled nonetheless.

"Of course I have, and I always will; because, I love you, Fate-chan."

* * *

When I woke up the next day, I was in a horrible, comprising position. Hayate's naked form was clinging to my waist. The events of last night rushed into me, and I immediately realized what I'd done. Creeping from bed, I did my best not to wake the sleeping woman. Even though I had a bit of a headache and just woke up, I felt wide awake. Last night was finally sinking in; my face flushed in shame. For now, I didn't want to think about it, so I just wrote a note for Hayate, and left the house as quickly as I could.

My mind was in a frenzy. I had cheated on Nanoha, and not just with anyone, but with Hayate of all people; It was the worst possible scenario. I knew that I couldn't tell Nanoha about it, that would destroy her. Of course, not telling her would be just as horrible.

For a moment, terrible thoughts came to mind, and I hesitated even further.

_"Would she even notice if I did tell her? Would she care?"_ That wasn't even the worst of it, my thoughts wouldn't leave me alone. _"She's only thinking about herself. She hasn't touched you, or looked at you in a year. Hayate's always been there for you . . . ."_ I shook my head and tried to rid myself of the impure noise. In the end, I decided to take this secret to the grave with me. Eventually, even if it took my entire life, I would forget, and then it wouldn't matter anymore. That would be the best thing for all of us.

In a rare display, I took the whole day off. Immediately, I found myself in front of the hospital. Once in side, I again found Nanoha staring out the window. "I'm back, Nanoha." She didn't acknowledge me at all. "Nanoha?" I touched her shoulder and she jumped with surprise, but relaxed when she saw my face.

"Oh, its just you, Fate-chan."

"_Just me?"_ I thought about it for a second before letting it go. She looked strange today, much stranger than usual. She was smiling, though it seemed kind of off.

"How is Vivio? I miss her so much." I didn't know how to respond, I hadn't seen her, so even I don't know.

"She's _. . ._ fine, Nanoha." I lied, but at the very least it made Nanoha's strange smile wider.

"That's good to hear. I feel great. I should be out of here soon." If it wasn't for the odd behavior that Nanoha was showing, I would think that she was truly happy and getting better. But I noticed it, even the small things. Her eyes were a bit clouded over and shifted slightly from time to time; she wasn't standing still at all, and she seemed nervous. I recognized all the signs of something terrible, but I didn't want to believe it.

"Nanoha, I want to ask you something."

"What is it, Fate-chan." She grinned brightly at me.

"Nanoha, you seem different today. Besides the drugs Shamal gave you, have you _. . ._ been taking anything else?" Her eyes darkened instantly, and the smile disappeared, replaced with a mysterious frown.

"What do you mean by that, Fate-chan? I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Nanoha-"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Fate-chan~! Do you really think that badly of me?" For the first time in my life, at this moment, I was truly afraid of Nanoha. Her words, her eyes, all scared me; It was chilling my spine.

But rather than say anything, I looked around the room, which only made her more nervous. I didn't want it to be true, but there was no denying it now. Eventually I took a wild guess and made a move toward her pillow. She was fast and tried to stop me, but I was always faster.

"Nanoha, what is this?" I held a small container. Reading the label, I found them to be extremely powerful painkillers, many times stronger than the ones Nanoha should be taking; ones that can have nasty side-effects.

"Give it back!" She made a move for it, but I dodged her.

"Nanoha, why are you taking these? You have no idea what these can do to you. More importantly, who gave them to you?"

"I said give it back, its none of your business!"

"Of course it is!" It was the first time I raised my voice to her in a long time, even I was surprised. "Nanoha, I want you to get better. More than anything, I want us to be together. But if you keep doing things like this to yourself, you'll only get worse. This is my business, because I'm your wife, and I love you, I don't want to see you like this anymore."

Nanoha was silent for a second. She played around with her fingers, particularly her wedding ring. Then she smirked, and suddenly laughed in an unsettling manner. Her eyes displayed something I haven't seen before from her, absolute rage. "Love? Is that what you call it? Leaving your wife alone in a hospital, and going on with your life like nothing happened. Running off with someone you know has feelings for you; and then, while I'm stuck here unable to do anything about it, you do the worst thing_ . . . ._" She moved in close to me, our faces almost touched. She sniffed, her expression changed to disgust. "You didn't even bother showering afterward, I can still smell her stench all over you."

"Nanoha, I can explain..."

"Save it Fate-chan. Even though I'm hurting so much right now, more than you could ever understand, you have the nerve to tell me that you love me, even when you're going around sleeping with other women. How can you lie to me like that, Fate-chan!" Her words felt like a slap in the face, and then she really slapped me. It hurt, it was more painful than any wound I've ever had; it wasn't just my cheek that hurt, but my heart as well, it was breaking. The truth was out, all I could do now was apologize.

"Nanoha, I'm sorry. I did something terrible, and I can't take it back. Even so, how can you tell me I'm lying when I say I love you? I've come here to see you every morning and night since the accident happened, I made sure that you always had the best care, and I always prayed that you would get better, how can you say that's all a lie? Yes, I admit that I was weak and gave into Hayate; however, I love you more than anyone else in this universe!"

For the moment, Nanoha was stunned as she saw the hurt in my eyes, she knew that she went further than she should have, and it almost looked as if she regretted what she said. But that all disappeared within a second and her eyes became angry again.

"Get out_ . . . ._"

"Nanoha-"

"Get out of here!" I wanted to cry, I wanted to barrel myself into her chest and do whatever it took to make things right. Instead I nodded, and held up the pills to her.

"I'll go, I know you'll need time to think about things. I'm taking these with me, and I'm going to find the person whose been giving them to you." I went to the door and turned the knob. "Nanoha, I really do love you more than anyone else, remember that. Goodbye." I closed it behind me, deja vu set in as Hayate was waiting for me there.

"Fate-chan." I shook my head, clutching the pills in my hand.

"I'm so stupid. I had no idea, just how much pain she was in. I'm her wife, I'm supposed to love and protect her, I'm supposed to know about things like this." Hayate looked at the pills, and took them from me, she also held me. I realized that she heard everything.

"Don't worry Fate-chan, the drugs probably made her say all those terrible things. When she calms down, she'll realize it and you two will make up like always." I nodded, and let tears come to my eyes.

"Hayate, I'm so horrible. Sometimes, I don't think I can do it. I feel so guilty, Even though I love her so much, I don't want to hurt anymore. Sometimes I feel like just letting go, all of this is ripping me apart."

"Shush, don't think about it anymore. Come on, we'll go get some coffee. We can pick up Vivio later, and then I'll take you home. You should rest today."

"Okay _. . . ._" Once again I took comfort in Hayate's words, my heart even felt a little at peace thanks to her. But I knew; I was just running away from a truth that I didn't want to acknowledge. I was starting to doubt Nanoha. For the first time since we started seeing each other, I thought about ending my relationship with her.

* * *

"Auntie-Hayate! Fate-mama!" Vivio jumped at us and tackled the two of us with a hug as soon as we arrived at her school. We giggled with her as she recounted her day. She was an innocent girl who had tasted her share of pain. I think that's why she understood, that something wasn't quite right today. "Fate-mama, is something wrong? Is there something wrong with Mama!" Her differently colored eyes haunted me, it hurt so much to look at them.

"No sweetheart, me and Nanoha-mama are just a little tired. She says she misses you, and that she loves you very much." That made her smile widely.

"Hehe~, I love Mama 'thiiiiiiiis' much!" She spread out her arms as far as they could go, but I'm sure she wished she could make them wider.

"Yes, I love Nanoha-mama that much too, Vivio." Even as I said that, it felt like acid on my tongue. Nanoha's words were still hurting inside me.

We got into Hayate's car, and she drove us home, though it was hard with Vivio bouncing around inside. I invited her over for dinner to thank her, of course she accepted. I made hamburgers; it tasted a little better than yesterday's meal, probably because with Hayate and Vivio, it felt like I was having a real family dinner. I wished it was Nanoha that could be here, the old one, not the new one that she had become. However, Hayate was here now, so I gave her as much attention as I could. Unfortunately, or maybe it was nice, I was a confused mess so I wasn't sure; Hayate decided to give me just as much attention, much of it a bit too risky for my liking.

From under the table, Hayate rubbed her foot against my leg. She looked a little awkward doing it, so I was worried that Vivio would notice, but luckily she didn't. I was used to Hayate making moves on me, but that didn't make it any less uncomfortable. It happened before Nanoha and I started going out, and it happened during our relationship. It used to just be harmless play, but now, I knew she was serious about it. Hayate's feelings for me were no secret, and it looked like since Nanoha's accident, she's been unable to keep them bottled up.

Her hand was touching my leg now, it was starting to get unbearable. The more she touched me, the more I flushed from it. She smiled, moved her hand up some more, it almost made me jump, but I kept myself in control so that Vivio wouldn't notice the blush on my cheeks. Other than that, I was completely defenseless against her.

"V-Vivio, are you almost finished?" My voice cracked and was starting to waver. I had to get her out of her, and fast.

"Yes Fate-mama, can I go watch TV now?" I nodded in a hurry, almost too eager.

"Vivio, me and Auntie-Hayate are going to go upstairs, will you be alright by yourself?"

"Yup!" The girl rushed off to watch TV. As soon as she was gone, Hayate poked me between my legs. She was ruthless at times.

"H-Hayate, please stop _. . . ._"

"I know you like it, Fate-chan; I wouldn't go this far unless you were fine with it, you know that." I did, but it didn't make me feel any less guilty about it. While Nanoha was in the hospital, in pain, alone, I was being turned on by Hayate's advances. I hadn't felt Nanoha's touch in so long, I longed to have my body felt and loved by someone. Perhaps that's why I allowed Hayate to have her way with me last night, and why I'm letting her right now. I was lonely, and full of lust, but with no way of releasing it. My wife has been using non-prescribed drugs and ignoring me. That almost made this situation sound reasonable to me. Still though, it felt like an excuse, I was just trying to justify the horrible things that I was doing to Nanoha. I knew my heart well, that was the worst part, because I knew what it wanted. There was no real way to justify it though, only accept it: I wanted Hayate to touch me, like Nanoha had done so many times before. I'm sure she understood that as well, because she rubbed me some more.

"Hayate, l-lets go upstairs. I don't want to risk Vivio seeing this." Hayate removed her hand, she gave me a confusing look; mixed with desire and guilt.

"Fate-chan, I know this is wrong, and I know you're uncomfortable with it; but I love you, I can't hold back anymore, though I also don't want to force you to do something terrible to Nanoha. I would do anything to keep both of you from getting hurt, you know that, right?" I nod, taking her hand and squeezing it.

"I know that, Hayate. This is all so wrong, but I think, I think really need this right now. Even though it could hurt Nanoha, I just want someone to touch me, I want you to touch me. I want to know that someone still loves me."

She smiled, it seems like she was trying to clear her guilt, and forgive herself of the actions she was about to take. "Okay, Fate-chan. If you're sure. Try not to regret it too much." We got up and went upstairs, to the room that Nanoha and I once shared; we kissed as soon as we got there, and things heated up so fast between us that we practically threw our clothes off before we even got to the bed.

Soon we became nothing more than an entanglement of limbs and sweat We felt each other, licked and bit each other, kissed, even moaned together. I hoped that we weren't making too much noise, I didn't want Vivio to know the shameful things I was doing behind her mother's back.

Already I was regretting it. I felt shame and anger at myself for betraying Nanoha again, running away from her pain, and my own. There was something I couldn't run away from though, I was making love with Hayate again, and I liked it.

* * *

After I started my affair with Hayate, things took a bad turn. I worked myself to exhaustion, and afterward I went to the hospital like always to see Nanoha. Despite my actions, and her words, I still loved her and saw no reason to stop going. The painful part, is that Nanoha would not let me into the room anymore, she locked herself in.

This started the day after I brought Hayate home. She must have saw us leaving together, it was possible that she was always watching me through that window.

When I visited the hospital like usual, I found the door to be locked. I called her name, but she didn't answer me. I apologized, but my words didn't reach her. All I got was a grumble, and a small voice, telling me to go away. It hurt to know that she didn't even want to see me anymore, not that it wasn't my fault. I was the one cheating on her, and she knew I was, it was natural for her to not want to see me.

Even so, I came back every day, just like always. Even if I was just going to sit there and stare at a door the whole time, I still came. I wanted her to know that I was still thinking about her, all I wanted was to see her smile again.

Over a week passed, I got no response from her. The doctors said that she was fine and that the door was only locked when I came, which only made it more painful. On the tenth day, I was started to feel worn out. Hayate did her best to cheer me up, but that only made me feel worse about it.

On the eleventh day, I told myself that I wouldn't leave until she opened the door. So there I stood, three hours had passed already, still I waited; once in a while, I would even knock again and tell Nanoha that I was still there.

Another hour passed, and another; I was there so long, my feet started to hurt, and I had no idea what time it was. I felt like I could drop right there. Even when the nurses brought her dinner, she didn't open the door, that's how I was sure that she knew I was still there.

When it became late, I felt tired, and wanted to sleeping. That's when I heard a thud against the door, though it didn't open. "Nanoha?"

"You're so stupid, Fate-chan. Why are you still here? I don't want to see you."

"But I want to see you, Nanoha." I lost the feeling in my legs and collapsed suddenly, and started to lean against the door.

"Fate-chan?"

"You kept me waiting for a long time, I'm a little tired."

"Dummy."

"That's right, I'm stupid. I'm stupid, and horrible, and filthy. But even so, I had to come here, I had to see you." Nanoha's fingers scratched against the other side of the door.

"Fate-chan, why are you here? Why don't you go back to Hayate, since you like her so much." I considered my next words carefully, and chose not to lie.

"Yeah, I like her, if I didn't I wouldn't have done those terrible things." Nanoha's fists banged against the door.

"Then why_ . . . ._"

"Because, I _love_ you. No matter how many times you push me away, no matter how many unforgivable mistakes I make, I still love you more than anyone." Nanoha didn't make any more noises, it was silent for so long that I wondered if she fell asleep.

But then the door opened, and Nanoha's face appeared. Her eyes were red, she had been crying. Despite the tears, she had a smile on her face, a real one. "Fate-chan." I tried going into the room, but she stopped me and shook her head. "You should go home, you look terrible."

"Look who's talking."

"Nyahahahaha, you're right." My heart leapt with joy. This Nanoha in front of me, she was the one I married; I thought I'd never see her again. "Say, Fate-chan?" I looked at her quizzically. "I love you." She moved in fast, and pressed her lips to mine. It wasn't meant to be full of longing or desire, it was just a sweet, gentle kiss, the kind we used to share. It only lasted a few seconds, but that was enough for me. When she pulled back, I struggled to say something. "Its all right, you don't have to say another word." She yawned, holding a hand to her mouth. "I'm feeling a bit tired." I nodded.

"Alright, Goodnight, see you tomorrow." She nodded as well.

"Okay. I'm sorry_ . . ._ about everything. See you tomorrow." I backed up and she closed the door.

That was the last time I saw her alive. Nanoha, killed herself later that night.

* * *

On the day of the funeral, it rained. It was such a cliche, but I guess I couldn't have pictured this event without a little rain. We all surrounded the hole and the casket. Dressed in black, we stood around her. Nanoha's family, our friends and comrades, and of course, Vivio, Hayate and myself, we all watched the box lower into the ground. Everyone was crying, including me. I cried so much that I became stuck in my own world, everyone around me was a blur.

In the end, Hayate held me and comforted me, but was in bad shape as well. Death isn't something we can avoid, no matter much we try. Still, I never expected it to tear Nanoha and I apart so soon; in my mind, I saw us growing old and gray together, it was too late for that now. It all happened too soon, and I still don't know why.

On the day that she killed herself, I thought Nanoha had forgiven me. She was smiling and acting like her old self, which made me wonder just how long had she been planning to end her life. How much pain did she really endure? It was impossible for me to know that now, but I still wanted to. I wouldn't be able to let go of her, until I understood the answer.

There was no will, or final words from her, other than the ones I heard before she died. It was understood that Vivio would keep living with me in that home, though I considered taking Momoka up on her offer to live with her and the rest of Nanoha's family back on Earth. We decided to stay on Mid-Childa. This was our home, and with Vivio losing one of her mothers, I couldn't make her change scenery so suddenly.

Nanoha's death affected everyone, but I think it hit Hayate and I the hardest.

Our affair continued, though it was hollow now, just empty sex. I didn't know how to deal with my feelings, so I used Hayate's body to comfort me. She was a wreck. One day while lying in bed, she told me that she killed Nanoha. She truly believed that it was her fault. At that time I tried to console her, but she exploded in tears, it was hard to watch. I knew we would be okay, I knew that someday it would be okay. But for right now, the pain was intense, so intense, that I felt like it wouldn't be long before I joined Nanoha.

* * *

Time passed. Like with all wounds, it healed us. Since Nanoha's death, a year and a half had passed. Like I thought, everyone was fine now, though Nanoha was still a touchy subject. Things almost went back to normal. The first year was hard, especially when we had to visit her grave, that was terrible. But now, we were starting to let go, if only a little. She was gone, we had accepted that, but it still hurt to think about it.

Like before, Hayate and I maintained our current relationship. It was still just sex, but it felt better than before. Now that time had passed, we were able to sort out our feelings. I told Nanoha that I liked Hayate, that wasn't a lie. During our friendship, during the relationship I had with Nanoha, and during that difficult time, my feelings for Hayate had grown. It was wrong, having romantic feelings for two different women. At the time, I had been with Nanoha, I had given myself to her, I loved her, and I devoted myself solely to her. Now things were different. With Nanoha gone, the confusing feelings I had for Hayate were allowed to mature. I wanted to move forward, I'm sure that's what Nanoha would have wanted as well. It was hard though, because I still loved her so much; I felt guilty, I felt like I was still betraying her by giving into these feelings. Hayate felt the same way, but still we continued, and tried to stumble forward.

My resolution became more firm as I spent more time with Hayate. That's why, when lying in bed with her, I asked her a serious question.

"Hayate, do you want to move in here, with us?" At first she looked at me like I was crazy, that was to be expected. Then she softened up, blushed and stared at me.

"Are you sure? I mean, it hasn't been that long, and this is a big step, and its not like were even going out. Is it really okay to do something like that?" I knew it would be like this, and I contemplated how to answer. I had to tell her, my honest feelings.

"I love you, Hayate." Her eyes became big and wide, and it looked like she could cry. However, I wasn't finished. "I still haven't forgot Nanoha, its hard to let go of her. But I love you as well. We both still need time to heal, this might be a mistake; still, I want you here with me, I want to explore these feelings, I want to move on. You started this, take some responsibility and see it through to the end, Hayate." She ignored the last part as a joke, which it was, I was serious about everything else though. She knew this, so she was thinking carefully.

"I want this, you know I do. But don't you think it might be too soon? What about Vivio, if we did this, would she understand?"

"We can explain it to Vivio, she'll understand, I hope." I grasped her hand from under the covers, it was warm, but also shivering from her excitement and nervousness. "Please Hayate, lets give it a chance, I want to try." She smiled, she was defeated and she knew it.

"I just can't say no to you." I hugged her, she hugged me back. It felt nice, it felt like old times. It was small, but I felt happy again.

When the two of us got dressed, we went downstairs. Hayate had stayed over yesterday, which made things a little easier. It was a weekend, so Vivio was still here, sitting on the couch watching her favorite cartoons.

"Vivio." She turned her head, smiling at us.

"Fate-mama, Auntie-Hayate! Good morning!"

"Good morning!" We both said at the same time. She invited us to sit down beside her, we each took a seat on either side of her. For a while we enjoyed the cartoons with her. She looked so happy, it was hard to bring the subject up.

I grabbed the remote when the show's credits started rolling, and I turned the TV off. "Hey!" Vivio looked about ready to go mad, but I quieted her.

"Vivio, Hayate and I have something important to talk to you about."

"Okay." She looked dejected that she wouldn't be watching TV, but she was a good girl and paid attention.

"Vivio, do you like Auntie-Hayate?"

"Yup! I love Auntie!" Hayate quickly became embarrassed.

"Okay. Vivio, you know I loved mama, right?" I was afraid of bring this up, and as expected, Vivio became a little saddened.

"Yes, I loved mama too. I miss her." I nod and hold Vivio against my chest.

"Me too, every day. But you know Vivio, mama would have wanted us to move forward, and be happy again. You want Fate-mama to be happy, right?" She nodded.

"I love Fate-mama, I want you to be happy." Tears came to my eyes, I had never been so proud to have such a wonderful daughter.

"Vivio, I really like Auntie-Hayate, I like her like I did mama. Do you understand, Vivio?" She nodded, though I wasn't really sure she understood. "Let me explain. I want to kiss Hayate, and hug her, and I want to sleep in the same bed as her, just like with mama. Do you understand?"

"Yup! Does Auntie want to do those things too?" Hayate touched Vivio's hand.

"Yes, I love Fate-mama very much. I want to do those things with her." Everyone was going okay, but it was time to ask the real question.

"Vivio, what do you think about Auntie living with us?" Vivio's different colored eyes shifted between the two of us.

"You mean, like with mama? She's going to stay here forever." 'forever' was a painful word, but I understood Vivio's frame of mind. Nanoha still lived in her heart, as well as mine, so to her it was like being with her forever. But all the same _. . . _

"Yes, she'll be here forever. And one day, we might get married, just like with mama." Hayate couldn't help but flush at the thought of marriage. I was just tossing it out there, it was always possible.

Vivio again looked back and forth between us. "Will she become my mama too?"

"Yes, Vivio, she would become Hayate-mama then."

"I'll have two mamas again?"

"Yes Vivio."

"Yay!" She hugged me, I embraced my child as tightly as I could. Then I sent away to take a bath, I said that me and Hayate needed to have an adult talk. When she was gone, We collapsed unto each other, exasperated.

"I don't think she really understands, Fate-chan."

"No she does I think, she's a strong girl. She's still hurting, but she wants me to

be happy, she's such a good girl." Hayate kissed me and interlaced our fingers.

"Yes she is. And when she gets older, she'll be a fine adult, just like her mother." We kissed again on that couch.

Much to everyone's surprise, Hayate moved in with us the next day. By the end of the year, the two of us were married.

* * *

I looked up at the sky, the stars looked down at me. Sitting on the roof was peaceful, especially at night. "Nanoha." I called her name as I looked at the stars. "Is it okay for me to be happy? Is it alright for me to let go of you?" I was happy, my relationship with Hayate was good and it worked. I loved her and she loved me, that should have been enough. But the past still held me down, it was a heavy weight. I couldn't find closure, I still don't feel like I can forgive myself, not until I know the reason why Nanoha ended her life.

"Up here again, darling?" Hayate joined me, she kissed me on the cheek and held my hand.

"I was just thinking."

"About Nanoha?" I flinched but nodded. "Its alright, I think about her all the time as well. I'm happy with you, everything is like a dream. Still, its hard to forget about someone like her."

"I just wanted to know why. I hoped that if I looked up at the sky like she did, I might find the answer." Hayate, while looking guilty, nodded.

"Me too. That's why_ . . . ._" She reached into her jacket, and pulled out a red gem, one that was more than familiar.

"Raising Heart, but how did you get it?"

"After all of its weapons capabilities were deactivated and removed, it was given to me to hold on to. I was told that there was something else, a message, from Nanoha." The shock almost made me fall over, but I remained as composed as I could.

"Hayate, why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought about it, so many times, and I felt guilty for not doing so. Until now you were fragile, it took two years for me to help you put the pieces back together. During those difficult times, I was worried that such a thing would hurt to much, I was scared that you would never recover if I showed you. I just wanted to see you smile again. That's why I have to give this back to you now, there isn't a better time than right now." She gave me Raising Heart, but held on tight to my hand. "Fate, please promise me; no matter what is in that message, tell me that it wont change your feelings for me." Now I truly understood, what Hayate was really afraid of, losing me to memories of Nanoha.

"I promise. I love you, that wont change, no matter what." She let go. I clutched the device in my hand and held it close to my face. "Please, Raising Heart, tell me why Nanoha killed herself. Show me the answer."

_"Acknowledged. Message playback, confirmed." _

Raising Heart glowed, floated out of my hand. It hovered in front of us, and suddenly, it changed shape and took another form. There she stood, a hologram of Nanoha. It was so sudden I didn't know if I should cry, I almost wanted to hold her, but common sense forced me to remain seated.

_"Hello Fate-chan. I know that you just left, but since this will be the last time you hear my voice, I thought I should say hello, and goodbye. I'm sure you wont understand, not at first, maybe not ever, the reason why I am going to do this. I'm in pain Fate-chan, worse than you know, much worse than I ever let you know. I ignored you, I shunned everyone and refused to speak unless I had to, and I'm sorry, you didn't deserve that. _

_I was afraid, and I was angry. Everyone reminded me of the sky, and of past, happier times. The more I looked at you, the angrier I became. You could do the things I no longer could, you could see how wide and vast the sky was, and I was stuck in a bed, and on my feet. To tell the truth, for a while, I hated you. As much as I loved you, I resented you just as much. But that was all a stupid act. The one I truly resented, the one I hated the most, was myself. _

_I could no longer protect you. I couldn't protect the one I loved, or the things that were precious to me. I was helpless, weak, and I hated myself for it, I couldn't forgive myself for it. All I wanted was to make sure that you were always safe and happy. When I couldn't do that anymore, it destroyed me."_

"Oh Nanoha..." I was crying now, Hayate held my hand. We continued to listen, as painful as it was.

_"I changed Fate-chan. I knew that I could no longer go back to the way I was, it was impossible for me. That's why I decided, I was going to end my life. I knew that as long as I was alive, I would become more bitter and more hateful. I would hurt you over and over again, I would be consumed by the darkness in my heart. I didn't want that, I never wanted to hurt you. I know you'll see this as selfish, but right now, its the only solution. _

_You have a right to be happy, Fate-chan. If you stayed with me, things would only get worse. I was worried, that eventually you would come to hate me, I didn't want that. So I smiled at you one last time, I kissed you one last time and I cried for you one last time. Before I left this world, I wanted you to see me the way you always have. Before you started to hate me, I wanted you to see that I still loved you and that I was sorry. I just want you to be happy. _

_And then there's Hayate. I was hurt when you cheated on me, even more so to know that it was Hayate, who is one of my best friends. But I understand, why you went to her, I understand that now. She has a right to be happy, just as much as you do. She's suffered as well, I know that. Her feelings for you, I've always known, and I know how much she had to endure watching the two of us. I'm sure if you're watching this, she's there too, watching it with you. So let me say this: I forgive you Hayate, I was mad at first, as I should have been. But because I understand, I can forgive you. You didn't do this, this was a decision that I had made myself. So don't blame yourself, okay? If you want to atone for it, even though I've already forgiven you; then make Fate-chan happy in my place, make her happier than she's ever been. If you do that, then I wont have to worry anymore. _

_This is going on much longer than I intended, I guess I just had a lot to say, Nyahahaha. Fate, Hayate, take care of Vivio. She'll need you, and I hope that one day she understands why I did this, I hope she can forgive me then. I'm glad to have been born in this life, I'm glad I met both of you. You guys gave me the best years of my life, I'm just sorry that they have to end like this. _

_Now go on, live happily. The two of you are strong, you'll be fine without me, so move forward. I truly, truly am glad to have met both of you. I love you, I love all of you. I'm sorry. Goodbye . . . ."_

The message ended just like that, and Raising Heart returned to its original form. I took hold of it and held it too my chest as I cried. Hayate joined me, the two of us bawled while holding each other.

* * *

Eventually we returned to bed, held each other some more. I set Raising Heart on the table, beside Bardiche.

"She really thought things through, didn't she?" I nodded.

"She's so stupid, but I'm glad that I had the chance to love such a stupid girl."

"As am I, Fate my darling." We smiled at each other, and pulled our faces close.

We would be able to move on now, with Nanoha's blessing, we could finally move forward. That woman was up with the stars now, the ones she loved so much. I promised her and the stars, that I would become happy with Hayate, and that things would be okay. And I'm sure, Nanoha was watching us from above, just to make sure. Knowing that I was able to relax, and be sure.

Everything was going to be alright.


End file.
